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 Crowe

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Beetle



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PostSubject: Crowe   Tue Apr 22, 2014 9:21 pm

Name: Crowe
Age: Forty something

Gender: Male

Weapon: N/A for the moment.


Appearance: A four foot tall plump caucasian man in a dark grey, rather run down tuxedo and cape, with a black mask covering half his face, and the other covered by a scarf. His teeth are all fairly pointy, and he has green, glowing eyes. Out of his back, one can notice several strings going up into the air, seemingly into nothing, stopping a few feet over his body. Underneath his mask, one would notice a rather haggard face, with large bags under his eyes from sleepless nights, and a drooping, rather bulbous nose. His hair, meanwhile, remains, a scraggle, dirty brown color, covered by a old, patched up tophat he bought second hand.

Personality: Tries to act friendly, to give off a aura of approachability. This fails rather miserably, due to the fact that Crowe is a COLOSSAL dick. Frequently, he will go out of his way to either piss someone off, or force them to make a horrific decision, all while maintaining his 'gentlemen' facade. In private, when no one is around, he tends to be quite melancholy. Immensely hates corruption, due to events regarding his past, and takes special joy when tormenting a corrupt official. Absolutely refuses to acknowledge his guilt in public, claiming that he is completely in the right with his actions. Has a rather obsessive fixation on righting the perceived wrongs of the world, and upon occasion suffers from acute paranoia, especially around motor vehicles.


Likes: A good book, power, high class food, relaxation, money, entertaining people
Dislikes: Pepsi, the ignorant, optimism, the lazy, those who go back on their word, himself




History:  Crowe was born the poor son of immigrant dock worker. Going to school, he studied economics and law, and upon graduating, he joined a law firm that dealt with business and tax law. Rapidly rising through the ranks, he soon became known for his oratory skill.While this was going on, he had met, while out grocery shopping, a woman. Becoming enamored, he asked her out on a date. Things went swimmingly, and a year later, they married. Meanwhile, he had left the Firm to form his own. 'Crowe, Smith, and Associates'. Things went swimmingly, and his firm became THE firm to go to when your business had litigation problems. Soon, he and his wife had a child, a bouncing baby boy, whom he named Theodore. Theodore was a sweet child, who enjoyed ventriloquism. Baffled but supportive, Crowe made sure his son never wanted for anything. Sadly, nothing good ever lasts. A dissatisfied corporate toad, who had been on the wrong end of company to company litigation had hired a man to .... 'dispose' of Crowe, to slow the suit. Planting a carbomb under what he thought was Crowes car, the man rigged it to blow when it was started. Thing was, he had gotten Crowes WIFES car. Which detonated when she went to take her son to school.  A full investigation took place, however, the police had been bribed, and refused to properly investigate. Crowe was less than pleased at this. Tracking him down, he beat the truth out of the bomber. Enraged, he slew him, and devoured his soul. From there, he proceeded to hunt down and devour the souls of each and every member of those responsible for his wifes death. After, though...  What did he have to live for? His family, gone, his business, probably gone, he was now a monster.... Wouldn't it be better to just end it now? The only thing that stopped him was him stumbling on one of his sons puppets. Filled with conviction, and more than a little insane, he swore he would gain enough power to bring back his family, and utterly destroy corruption, even if he had to burn the world to accomplish this.




Puppet MasterCrowe wields in combat his sons puppet, which has mutated to resemble a certain slender being of internet fokelore. Eight feet tall, incredibly thin, with a pale, featureless face, in a dark black suit, with the ability to manifest dark tendrils, ten feet in length. The puppet can manifest four tendrils, max.  30
King of CrowesAllows for the mental control and summoning of swarms of large, hostile Crows. The exact number varies, but it it usually ten, or around that, with each crow being twice the size of a normal crow.     10
Shadow StealerAs his corruption grows, his power also grows. Now, he can steal a mans shadow, and use it to fashion odd objects. What a shadow makes is completely random. A person who has had their shadow stolen will become listless, lethargic, and will develop a temporary phobia of darkness. Thankfully, this is not permanent, as given a few weeks, a person would regrow their shadow10
Have you read the rules?
I love soul eat- Er, I mean, lets go soul resonance! Yeah, heh heh...


Last edited by Beetle on Tue Jun 10, 2014 10:02 pm; edited 7 times in total
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Rayne

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PostSubject: Re: Crowe   Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:18 pm

Quote :
Appearance: A man in a dark tuxedo and cape, with a black mask covering half his face, and the other covered by a scarf. His teeth are all fairly pointy, and he has green, glowing eyes. Out of his back, one can notice several stings going up into the air, seemingly into nothing, stopping a few feet over his body.

Okay, we need way more than this. You just tell me his clothing, teeth, eyes, and some stingers. You don't describe what the stingers look like at all, and with no image, this leaves the entire appearance pointless, as we don't so much as know his race, hold old he looks, the color of his clothing... a dark tux could be black, dark grey, dark blue, green, etc. Everything is so ridiculously vague that the entire description really gives us no information at all. I'm sorry, but you don't even say how tall he is. with this little into, he could be 4 feet 1 inch, and weigh 600 pounds. It's exactly 2 lines, (after you take the word appearance out) and has a mere 2 sentences. Give us at least a nice paragraph.

Quote :
Personality: Tries to act friendly, to give off a aura of approachability. This fails rather miserably, due to the fact that Crowe is a COLOSSAL dick. Frequently, he will go out of his way to either piss someone off, or force them to make a horrific decision, all while maintaining his 'gentlemen' facade. In private, when no one is around, he tends to be quite melancholy

Okay, so all we learned is that he's a huge jerk pretending to be a gentleman, and failing, and that otherwise, he's depressed. I could say all that in a single sentence, and you gave only 2 tidbits of information "depressed jerk". I mean, if I can summarize his entire personality in 2 words, the writing clearly needs a vast improvement. It's just a bit ridiculous.


Please compile the history. It looks like you are attempting to make it seem long, and failing miserably. It's more annoying to read that way.

Quote :


Puppet Master Crowe wields, in combat, the cursed remains of his sons marionette, controlling it via....

Well, he doesn't know how it works, all he knows is that when he summons the puppet, some strings wrap around his hands, and by pulling the strings, he can control the puppets actions. In combat, the puppet uses an Axe                      10
King of Crowes Allows for the mental control and summoning of swarms of large, hostile Crows.     10

How big is the puppet? What does it look like? What is it made of? How big is the axe? What does it look like? For all I know this could be a 10 foot puppet wielding a 200 pound axe, or a foot high puppet with an axe that does little other than give you splinters.

As for the crow swarm, how many crows are int his swarm? And how large are they?
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Beetle



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PostSubject: Re: Crowe   Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:46 pm

Okay, edited it to be more detailed. Also, 'stings' was a typo, meant to put 'strings'.
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PostSubject: Re: Crowe   Wed Apr 23, 2014 12:14 am

Much better! Much much better! Great edits, it wasn't much, but it vastly improved the quality. Though you still failed to mention his hair, his height and indicate his weight. is he fit? overweight a little? obese?
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Beetle



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PostSubject: Re: Crowe   Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:59 pm

Okay, clarified his weight somewhat, and gave his height and oh my god the puppet is taller than him.

Also, the hair was already described as being both brown and scraggly.
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PostSubject: Re: Crowe   Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:04 pm

Approved for use.
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PostSubject: Re: Crowe   Fri May 30, 2014 4:06 pm

Third ability approved for use.
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